Teenage Rebellion
Remember the movie The Sound of Music? The question posed was, “How do you solve a problem like Maria? I often asked that question about my daughter. She never had a problem learning in school, she just didn’t care about it! Her mind was always somewhere else. In elementary school, if she liked the teacher she would behave and be charming, but if she didn’t like you, Watch Out!
She also seemed to have her little brother in the palm of her hand and could convince him to do anything. Often we would tell her to tell him that she wanted Italian or Chinese for dinner because we did, and he would listen to her
She was headstrong and liked to stretch the rules. She and I usually had a very good relationship, but there was one year of her life, where everyday seemed to be a problem, or altercation, or just plain disobeying. It was stimulated by her third grade teacher.
Without knowledge of what I did for a living, this woman during our first (and only) parent-teacher conference said the following, “ Your daughter is only average, and that’s all she will ever be!” I was shocked, not that I disagreed but that this woman would say such a thing in that manner. Besides, what is wrong with being average? What about, “You have a lovely daughter who seems to be struggling in math,” or something like that!
My first parent -teacher conference, as a teacher, was also a doozy. A father came to the conference. His daughter was a beautiful child, full of laughter and joy. The problem was she was probably dyslexic and was having a horrible time learning to read. Before I could get the second sentence out he say, “Cool it teach! My daughter is beautiful and that’s all she needs, a woman doesn’t have to be smart, just a good lay. Maybe you’d be happier with fewer brains in your head!”
With that he got up and walked out! OMG! I was shaking. I went to the Principal’s office, ( I always thought of that man like a Dr. Welby) and even had a hard time telling him what transpired. He laughed! He told me to just forget about it. Obviously, I never could.
Back to my daughter. Once that horrible year was over, my daughter reverted back to herself! I was so relieved. That experience seemed to ignite her to being more independent!
As a teenager, her disregard for school continued, while her social life took front and center stage. There was one night, in particular, when she attempted, and carried out the stupidest, and probably most dangerous escapade. It was winter and it had snowed quite a bit. Her bedroom window abutted the roof of the garage. The garage had a low roof. She and her friend, often her partner in crime were on the phone, (she was always on the phone). She had met this boy at school I think, and she was interested in him. He had a job, at a gas station, and thought it was a good idea that she come to see him because he couldn’t leave. She knew I wouldn’t let her go, at that hour and in those conditions.
She was fairly certain that I would hear them go out the door, so she decided to go out her window, and jump down from the roof on to the snow.
While these plans were unfolding, I was in my bed in a semi sleep, but the thing she didn’t know was that since the day she was born, I had “mother hearing.” Not that I could hear the conversation, but I was aware that the girls were in the room. They concocted a plan, where the friend, who was not willing to go out the window went out the front door as quietly as possible. My daughter walked back upstairs, making sure I would hear it if I was awake, and then she went out the window.
I think it was probably only 5 minutes after they left that I consciously knew that they had gone someplace! I was now up! I opened the door to her bedroom and saw the opened window and the footprints on the roof. I noted the time and decided not to awaken my husband, because I had a hunch she would be back quickly. My heart was in my throat. There was no sense in getting in my car and driving around, I had no idea where she was. I wasn’t sure I was doing the right thing, should I call the police? Would they come to a call about two idiot teenagers who snuck out of the house? I had no idea who they were meeting. Even I could discern that the footsteps went in one direction, so no one had come up to the roof to get her. There was only one thing that let me remain calm. I knew my daughter and as adventurous as she was, she had a sharp nose for danger, and she read people well. I honestly don’t remember how long they were gone. She had taken the key to the front door with her, realizing she couldn’t get up on the garage roof as easily as she got down. Finally, she and her friend walked back into the house where they met me on the staircase going up to her room. I learned that they called a taxi that took them to the rendezvous and brought them back! It wasn’t like living in Manhattan, you just couldn’t hail a cab!
I told her that if she ever did anything even remotely like that again, she wouldn’t have to worry about a dangerous situation from anyone else because I would kill her first. She understood the implication knowing I would never harm her, ( or would I?) and there was no repeat ever of anything like that again!
Who could have guessed that the child who blew off school, who concocted elaborate plans to evade confinement or school, who swore that she would never teach, would end up teaching at the University level, write a very successful book, lecture all over the US and beyond, and give a Tedx talk that was picked as an editor’s choice. Not bad for someone who was JUST average!
