Sex Sells

During the 1980s and 1990s. I was fully ensconced at the Yeshiva. I was happy there, although I did wish the pay was better, but we were doing OK. The Yeshiva had finally, (long overdue) created a pension plan. Well, it was more like a forced savings plan. Until that time, teachers who had taught there had absolutely nothing to show when they retired.

My husband fortunately, in the district where he taught, had a very solid plan. My contributions put aside would be the “gravy” when we would retire.

My house saw several revisions, we added a large living room and dining room, we finally gutted the “bathroom from hell” and replaced everything. We put a fence around our back yard so our doggies could go out on their own. No matter what we did though, we still had four seasons of annoying bugs. Now I realize that that area of Long Island is home to many disgusting bugs that have lived there far before any of us did. Nevertheless, I battled them, but to no avail. You had to learn to live with them. One of these yucky creatures are called silverfish. The seem to be in pipes, of sinks and showers. They are harmless, but disgusting. Also earwigs, that have pincers, but as far as I know, don’t harm people Seasonal ants and termites that damage homes would appear sporadically. In the backyard, almost yearly we had swarms of bees. I used the services of a bee keeper who would collect the yearly swarm and bring it back to his property. He sometimes supplied us with local honey.

When we did sell the house in 1999, I would specifically look for the earwigs and the silverfish before showings to eliminate them!

In those last 20 years, I dabbled in cosmetics, and a company called Color Me Beautiful. It was fun, and I didn’t really care about the money. I was supplied with all the cosmetics I needed or wanted. Occasionally I would sell some. Life settled into a routine.

I was invited to a party plan at a friend’s house. She didn’t tell any of her guests what was being sold. It sounded intriguing. The night I went, I was definitely not looking for a money making opportunity. I laughed at myself realizing that I still owned Tupperware from 25 years before. It really was a great product!

I arrived at my friend’s house and was introduced to a lovely woman named Jane. When everybody got there, Jane started to introduce us to a new line of products. She had had the table covered until the big reveal. It was sexy lingerie and sex toys! What the hell was this? She had a great style, and a great spiel!

She didn’t play games, other than to win the door prize, and she explained all the products on the table! There was a huge catalogue filled with things I had never heard of. It was new, and refreshing. I watched her as she demonstrated the products. Well demonstrated isn’t exactly the right word, but she was quite graphic. I watched the group of women who were there. They were in a trance like state. Half were embarrassed, half were ready to order. The auras around the people had changed dramatically as she spoke. I looked at the products , at the catalogue and back at Jane. All I could think of was, I can do this!

It was like an actress studying her part. Jane was putting on a show, and I loved it. I waited till the end of the party. Almost everyone, even the most uptight, ordered something. Questions were fired at Jane about products and she carried on like she had tried each and every one of them. She was a consummate salesperson.

I approached her and told her I wanted to sell this. I became her first “recruit”

I practiced the spiel, I sounded like I knew what I was doing. I reasoned that it was OK that I had never tried any of the items. I could be convincing!

Now Jane was lovely, and had a great figure, then there was me. In order to make women believe I knew what I was talking about I took on the persona I needed. In other words I became a closet actress!

I combined my love for clothing, with the cosmetics I carried and the ability to talk in front of people from teaching, and the experience of selling everything from kitchen items to costume jewelry and beyond.

My husband was a little concerned, oh not about the products, but about the potential people I might encounter when selling these things. I tried to assuage his concern by having Jane come do a show at our house with all the “couples” we knew. Jane did well that night. I was able to book my own parties from those people who showed up at my house. It grew and grew. The products sold themselves. It did get dicey after awhile, when people started booking parties that weren’t in Long Island and in some not so safe neighborhoods. My husband would come with me, when he was too uncomfortable about where I was going. It even extended into Manhattan! I started making a lot of money! One party I had was on St. Patricks Day in a bar! It was mostly men, most of them cops and I made $900 that night! It wore me out. One day, quite unexpectedly, Jane quit the company and I don’t know why. I was not about to become the heir apparent boss of her group, and I was tired. The final straw when one of my card friends, took me aside and asked me if she could sleep with my husband! Really? She had a reputation and I knew that, and my friend Sandy had warned me early on never to leave my husband alone with her. I thought it was hyperbolic!! She wasn’t kidding. She said, “ Oh I thought with the things you sell, you’d be open to it!” It was great while it lasted. My niece’s husband still reminds me every time he sees me about my career with sex toys! See you never know, who you know!

Ok I quit. I had some things left over from my “kit” I kept them in the cellophane for years and eventually gave them away.

Unexpectedly, I missed the job. I was used to a certain level of working, and I liked play acting.