The Good, The Bad, The Ugly, And The Dirty Secrets

When I returned from Europe, and my mother greeted me with a comment on my weight gain, I had to do something about it. My future mother-in-law and I decided to go to Weight Watcher’s to try and shed a few pounds before the wedding day. We had plenty of time and started months before the wedding.

I had moved back to my parent’s house after graduation and my mom was more than happy to keep me on the straight and narrow. We started to look for wedding dresses, she and I. I started to shed those10 lbs I had gained in Spain.

We looked in a few places but nothing was quite right. I was glad I tried on many different styles. It helped to eliminate styles that were too overwhelming on me, styles that were too sexy, according to her, and styles that were ridiculously expensive.

After 2 months the 10 lbs had come off and it was a sure bet that I would lose a little more.

Finally, we went to a tiny shop that one of her friends had suggested and the minute I put on the gown, I knew, that was the one. In a rare moment of unity, my mom agreed. We ordered the dress with the understanding that it would have to be altered. Because it was a fitted dress, my mother wanted to make sure it could be let out as easily and taken in.

The fitting was scheduled for January, the wedding was set for April. Of course, nothing goes perfectly. That January day when my dress arrived, Mom and I went for the fitting. I had lost a total of 17 lbs. Now I realize that isn’t a lot to most people, but at 5 feet tall, every pound made a difference. The dress was perfect! It had to be taken in a bit, but I just loved it and loved the way I looked in it. At that point we chose the veil and headpiece.

We were feeling great as we drove home from the store. My mother never learned to drive, so I was driving. I remember the date perfectly because I was going to drop my mom off and go to dinner at my fiance’s house because it was his sister’s birthday. I was heading straight on the street. A car coming from the opposite direction decided to make a turn and it hit me head on. Because we weren’t going fast, most of the damage was done to the car. I was protected by the steering wheel but my mother went forward right into the dash board. She hit her mouth hard. People from the luncheonette on the corner came running out and the police were called. There were so many witnessess to the accident that the guy who hit me had no chance to claim it was my fault.

It was a blessing in disguise. Mom had extensive dental work which she always wanted to do. When it healed, in perfect time for the wedding, she was all smiles! The new teeth looked great. I really think she never smiled because she didn’t like her original teeth! I have a video of my wedding, after 57 years we decided to watch it. My mom was all smiles!

I became a Weight Watcher lecturer and it kept me on the straight and narrow, I was teaching during the day and lecturing 2 night’s a week and sometimes on the weekend. Oh yes, the other two nights I was back at college taking my second Masters degree. At Weight Watchers I was given a class of teens because I looked so young. Eventually, I was given a class of mixed ages. The office was located within walking distance to a convent. One day, a group of Nuns joined. There were 5 of them, In those days, Nuns still wore their habit at all times. When they came each week, it was quite a procedure to weigh them in. They were wrapped up in all kinds of layers of material and wore heavy chains with crucifixes on them. I don’t know what else they had but it took almost 10 minutes per Nun to get them weighed in. Then they would redo their habits and put back all the heavy chains and their head gear. Sorry I don’t mean to be glib, but I don’t know what it was called. The “sensible” shoes they wore also weighed a ton. Eventhough they were quite big,they looked heavier when fully dressed.

They were delightful to have in class. They always had an anecdote to add and they cheered on everyone in the room when we announced weight loss for the week.

The corporate office was having some kind of meeting. All lecturers in a certain geographic area to attend. The diet was changing and the higher ups wanted to kick it off with a luncheon. I understood the idea that the diet could not stay the same because people lose interest after a while, and research learns new things, especially about diet. We were someplace, a hotel or conference room, something like that. A buffet was set up against the rear wall and we were asked to go and get our lunch.

I was shocked. There were obvious items being served that were forbidden on the diet. I watched as these people piled the food high and then ate it all. I couldn’t believe it. I remember taking back to my table just what I was allowed to eat. The discussion at the table broke my spirit. Seems like these people, men and women ate just what they wanted without limitation. Each one of them took supplements and pills and “Cleanses” to keep their weight down. They rarely followed the prescribed diet. I know that some of them years later had weight loss surgery. Yet, they lectured each week touting the results of the diet! You really couldn’t trust anyone!

The next thing was the “new” improved diet. It was far too liberal for people who had a food problem. When I think back, it was this incident that set off my yoyo dieting for almost the rest of my life. Finally, I stopped lecturing when I became pregnant.

After my daughter was born, I had a terrible time losing the “baby” weight. The diet (original) no longer worked for me. The new diet and several that I tried after didn’t work either. See, I can’t have a ½ cup of ice cream. I’d rather not have any. All it does is whet my appetite for more.

I gained the pregnancy weight, and it took a long time to lose it. Just when I was making real progress, I became pregnant again. This pregnancy was different, I wasn’t nauseous and I was hungry all the time. I gained an enormous amount of weight. I had an enormous baby. After my son was born, the weight just didn’t want to leave me. I could starve all day long, and it wouldn’t help. I was now truly the fat girl that my relatives had told me about my whole life!

Enter the diet doctors! It was no help. One doctor told me to exercise 40 minutes a day, twice a day in conjunction with a diet. Where exactly could I find time for this? His suggestion was to wake up at 5 or 4 if necessary. I had two little children, and until I could go back to teaching I opened a “play group” in my house. My basement was quickly and cheaply finished off originally thinking of it as a play room for the kids. In the meantime it became my new job. It was almost teaching, but more like babysitting. The good thing was my kids were with me. Unfortunately, when a kid vomited, or dumped paint on the floor, you couldn’t call for the janitor.

One of my friends, also an unemployed teacher at the time would come to help. We babysat for a few hours twice a week while the moms would do their shopping or go to an appointment. It was OK for a couple of years, but it was monotonous and not profitable. With the few dollars the moms would pay me, I would buy snacks, arts and crafts material. Eventually the basement resumed the purpose it was created for. My kids used it as a playroom during the day and at night my husband used it to record music.

Let me just mention my dog at the time! GOPHER. He was a cockapoo and I loved that dog but he was so naughty. Almost every day that the playgroup was there, Gopher would quietly go upstairs into the living room and crap and pee over everything. The first time it happened it was dismissal and the parents would be coming to get their children. Quickly my friend took the kids outside and had them doing some action songs as the parents picked them up! I was inside playing janitor! Gopher found many ways to ruin carpets, furniture and clothing, looking adorable all the time. We had to put plastic on the walls from the floor up about 3 feet. He would lift his leg to pee on the walls. This at the time was the cheapest and best solution. We even left him in the car briefly while upstate, we returned to all the upholstery pulled down from the car ceiling. I can’t explain what was so endearing about him, but I still think about him all the time, in a loving way.

There was no way possible that I could exercise, vigorously as he put it at that hour and still be able to function for the rest of the day. I was physically tired most of the day to, but had trouble going to sleep at night!

Another Doctor recommended at 500 calorie a day diet! I was having a terrible time dealing with that. I went back after two weeks, with a one pound weight loss, and a litany of complaints about I felt. It “altered” the diet. When I read it I said, people in prison get more to eat than this! Imagine, one egg and a cup of coffee for breakfast, a quarter sandwich for lunch, and a salad of a cup of vegetables with a half a chicken grilled chicken breast. I felt sick most of the time.

Another doctor looked at me and said, “You’re married, what do you care?” In other words a woman only has to look good to catch a man! Yikes!

Then came the “drugs.” I was so high, and it was so uncomfortable, I quit!

When my son was two years old, it was time for me to go back to teaching full time. I was ready, I wanted to go, but I had no provision for child care. My parents moved to Florida, my in-laws lived almost an hour away. Paying someone would eat too much into my salary. Then, just to make things worse, the school I taught in was demolished! It sat on a lovely piece of property in a residential neighborhood and in a stupid move the district sold the land. Within a few years, the houses that were built had children that needed a school. The surrounding schools were now crowded and had to resort to portable classrooms. Also there was now a glut of misplaced teachers. The district promised to rehire all of us. The first to be rehired were the people who had taught the longest. I went from top of the list to about the 58th once they closed us down. So much for that district. I thought maybe it was a good thing, I could get a job closer to where we lived. It just never worked out. I told myself that when my kids were in school full time that would be my opportunity. In the meantime I decided to go back to school and take another degree. I was interested in speech pathology and audiology. I enrolled, I loved it, but the conflicts with child care kept coming. It got so bad that I started to bring the kids with me to class. Although they were great, they were a distraction and the professor told me it just couldn’t work. I made arrangements with a neighbor and it worked for awhile but It was not a good solution. That neighbor told me she had a ghost who lived in her bathroom, and sometimes it didn’t like my children there. Oh well, that ended that!

My husband was out now 4 nights a week giving private lessons after school. We were stretched too thin. I managed to finish the Master’s level, and as much as I wanted the PH D it wasn’t meant to be. One complication after another. I had to do some practicals, and the only time slot I could get was in the night shift. The lab was in the basement of an enormous hospital and most of the time I would be alone. Hubby said, “no way” , and it was final! My kids came first. Years later, when the kids were on their own, I contemplated going back. I would have had to start almost all over as the science and innovations had changed the curriculum way beyond the scope I was taught.

Back to teaching! I finally found a job! I worked in a private nursery/kindergarten school. I had the kindergarten. The facility was fine and the location was great. My daughter was finally in school full time and my son would spend half the day in nursery school and then half the day in my kindergarten. The fly in the ointment was that this was a Montessori School. I knew next to nothing about Montessori education. The owner didn’t care, she hired me. I had all the materials and activities for the kids but I didn’t know how to implement any of it. I just did the best I could. Everyone seemed happy.

One day, I was waiting for my son’s bus to drop him off at my school as it normally did. This day, the bus never came. I called the nursery school and the assured me they put him on the bus. I gave it another 15 minutes and called back. I was getting a little frantic. It seems the regular driver had called in sick and the owner of the nursery school who I had never met, took over for the day. The school called his home and asked why he never brought my kid to the school. He said, “what kid?” as the bus was empty. He went out to the bus which he had parked in his driveway and found a crying child in one of the seats. It seems as if my son fell asleep and didn’t see him so he assumed that all the kids had been dropped off. About an hour later, finally he showed up at my school, hungry and traumatized.

Everyone was saying I had a law suit. I didn’t have the heart to pursue it. My son was not harmed, and it was a stupid, very stupid mistake. I pulled him out of the nursery school and he simply stayed with me all day. He actually was very helpful. I didn’t teach him, in fact no one taught him but when he was two, he could read! Read anything! He didn’t know what he was reading but he could decode anything. Well, in English at least. He was very content to grab a bunch of books and sit under a table and read. Sometimes I’d have him read a story to the others! He even starred in a play I put on with my class because he could remember his lines! Also, he had a knack for it!

It was also the year of the “bad seed.” That was my nickname for the most frightening student I have had.